“I want a divorce.” After your initial shocked (or not-so-shocked) reaction, the first thing to do is pick up the phone and call a good lawyer, right? Well, yes and no. Yes, you need to know what your rights are along the lines of finances, custody, assets. But consider this: if you storm into your lawyer’s office ready to take your ex for all he or she is worth, you will end up losing. Maybe not losing the case, but definitely losing your sanity, your self-respect and, yes, wasting mega money on legal fees. $300 an hour calculated by the minute adds up pretty quickly.
“So, what’s the alternative?” you ask. Before you choose a lawyer, choose a mediator. Mediation is less expensive and much more civil. First, the cost is split between you (yay!) Second, there’s no bias. A mediator is like a judge—only there to hear both sides and work out the legalities based on your state’s or province’s laws. Third, there’s less reason to up the ante with each demand, as there are no troublesome lawyers out to win at all costs. There’s only one requirement: both of you must agree to mediation and to the mediator.
Up here in Quebec the government actually pays for eight sessions of mediation if children are involved. A pretty nice incentive that Mr. X and I took full advantage of. Our mediator was forthright and unassuming. No courtroom antics from her! We met nine times over nine weeks. It was not uncomplicated—Mr. X and I had many emotional issues to work out and lots of disagreements. But our mediator listened carefully to each side’s story and based her decision on the law whenever possible. Anything else she worked with us to negotiate in good faith. In the end, we only paid for one mediation session plus court costs. Our entire divorce cost us $900.
Sometimes mediation can only go so far and a stalemate is the end result. If that’s the case, lawyers will need to enter the picture. On the plus side, the initial mediation often resolves the majority of disagreements and only one or two are left to the lawyers—still a good deal overall. And at least you’ve taken the high road before succumbing to those rascal lawyers.
So, before you pick up the phone, ask yourself how all your hard-earned money that will soon be flying out the window can possibly justify so much stress and anxiety. It can’t. Lose the Lawyer, meet the Mediator—that’s the Fine Divorcée’s slogan.
PS: Sorry to have kept you waiting so long for this latest blog post—I’ve been relaxing on a much-needed vacation. I hope you’ve been having a fine summer yourself. Now get out and enjoy the rest of it before it’s over!
—The Fine Divorcée
afinedivorce 