Children get the short end of the stick in a divorce or separation. Not only do they have to live through the stress of the break-up, they then have to suffer the consequences by traipsing from one parent’s house to the other, lugging their small suitcase behind them, a favorite stuffed animal under an arm. How sad is that?
Why, exactly, are the children dragging their stuff across town? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Who caused this mess anyway?
Ahem…people…may I have your attention? Here’s a rather avant-garde idea. Why not keep the kids in one house (preferably the same one they’ve been living in) and we parents do the traditional lugging of the suitcases? OK, OK, I hear a small uproar. How can a divorcing couple pay for three houses? No, people, not three (unless you’re part of that lucky, richest 1% of the population)—two houses: one for the kids, one for the adults.
OK, yes, I hear more grumbling from the peanut gallery. But my privacy! My life! I realize this is an impossible situation for some of you. If you’re unable to stay out each other’s private lives, it could prove to be a real problem for jealous types. Otherwise, you’re already going to have to rent or buy another place anyway, so why not at least consider the possibility?
Here’s the thing: Mr. X and I went this route and never regretted it for an instant. We bought an inexpensive condo nearby, furnishing it in the Ikea-esque style. We considered it a wise investment for our bank accounts and more importantly for our children. A two-bedroom is probably the best-case scenario, but we could only afford a one-bedroom—so we set some strict rules:
- When “checking out”, always leave the condo clean. No dirty dishes or old, fuzzy food in the fridge. No crumbs on the counter. No hairs in the bathroom (or anywhere for that matter). No dust mice hanging out in the corners. And no dirty laundry.
- The bed is to be remade with clean sheets and pillowcases. This is especially important if guests have stayed over. In fact, it should be perfectly clear that no one has stayed over, even if someone has.
- Whoever uses the last staple (pasta, milk, coffee, detergent) has to replace it before checking out.
- Above rules also apply to the house.
We weren’t sure how long this living arrangement would last, but at least we knew it would give the girls a nice interim in order to get used to our separation. In the end, we lived 3 1/2 years this way. Yes, sometimes it could be a hassle (ugh, I forgot my cell phone charger again?!) But mostly it was a pretty perfect situation, even if we both had our mea culpa moments (generally dust mice on his part and sour milk left in the fridge on mine).
By the time Mr. X decided he had had enough of the back-and-forth (I myself could have continued for another 3 years), our anger toward each other had dissipated, we had resolved any legalities and were properly divorced. We sold the condo for a small profit, he purchased a large, sunny condo near the girls’ school and I bought his half of the house. Fait accompli.
Our daughters, at this point now 9 and 6 1/2, did have their say: “Wow, cool! We get to live in an apartment and in our house!” The fact that they were able to pick out a kitten for the apartment to match the house cat wasn’t a bad move either—live felines are not so accommodating to weekly changes of venue.
Where is my fine cat anyway?
—The Fine Divorcée
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