So, you’re contemplating leaving your spouse. The idea started a long time ago as a teeny little seed in the back of your mind that you didn’t even realize was there. But then, maybe a few months or a year later, some thin roots took hold, and you had this oh-oh moment: “Oh-oh, he’s done it again.” (I’m using the masculine here because that was my experience, but feel free to replace “he” with “she”, except of course when referring to leaving the toilet seat up.)
I had an oh-oh moment with every boyfriend:
-Oh oh, he smokes.
-Oh oh, he thinks Argentina is the capital of New Mexico.
-Oh oh, his tongue is so far down my throat I think it has actually reached the bottom of my esophagus.
-Oh oh, he’s a boob guy.
Usually I would discover the oh-oh moment within the first few weeks. Either I would drop the guy immediately, or I would ignore the obvious because, hey, he was sexy/funny/smart and that trumped the negative—for a while. Typically by month eight, I would be fed up and driving him crazy. Bye-bye love.
With my future husband, Mr. X, I did not run into that oh-oh moment until after we were married. Subsequently I ignored it—I was married, for better or worse. But it kept rearing its ugly head at inopportune moments and the little seed that was probably there when we took our vows grew longer and stronger roots with each passing year. Certainly Mr. X was growing his own oh-oh weed garden about yours truly.
Let me clarify something: leaving the cap off the toothpaste does not an oh-oh moment make. An oh-oh moment signifies a serious issue, not a silly one. It’s often just his or her personality trait and could be very charming to someone better suited. Unless emotional or physical abuse is involved, usually no one is at fault.
Maybe your oh-oh is not so hard to live with. If you can ignore it, by all means do. If you can discuss it and create a ha-ha moment, then go for it. But if it’s eating away at you, even after much discussion or therapy, then you need to confront the oh-oh and very possibly dig it up and toss it out of your life. Its roots could take over your brain—and eventually your heart.
Now go out and do something nice for yourself. A day off the work treadmill to take in the sun sounds very fine.
-The Fine Divorcée
afinedivorce 