I don’t agree with those who say that divorce is horrible for children and to avoid it at all costs. Those couples who stay together and hate each other—”for the sake of the kids”? No way that can be beneficial for the offspring. Children are much more aware and resilient than we give them credit for. The under-18 population has been overcoming horrendous odds long before we ever entered this earth: death, war, plagues, famine. Divorce is almost a walk through the park compared to these.
I say “almost” because we divorced or divorcing parents are often not keeping them from very negative repercussions. Telling the kids that Mom is insane is not helping them. Screaming at your ex over the phone because he’s late picking them up for the weekend is not beneficial. The children absorb these rants as partly or entirely their own fault. And asking them to take sides is, in my opinion, the lowest of the low. What is the point, really, except to make the kids feel even worse than they already do?
Mr. X and I discussed staying together for our girls’ sake, but came to the realization that since they were both so young (2 1/2 and 5 years at the time), they would never know the difference. An unhappy parent an unhappy child makes. Our girls are now 12 and 14 and are extremely content, well-adjusted teenagers (an oxymoron, I know). We always make sure they know how much we love them; we never speak poorly of the other parent in front of them. It helps tremendously that they were so young when we separated, but even if your kids are older, if you pay attention and support and love them as co-parents, they’ll be fine.
I’ll end this entry with a quote from my girls: “We love living with you one week and Daddy one week. The thought of being with one of you guys all the time? No way! It would drive us crazy!” I take that as a compliment.
Now is a fine time to pull out a photo of your little munchkins, smile at the thought of their messy bedrooms and send lots of love their way.
—The Fine Divorcée
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